I had something eye-opening happen to me a couple of days ago. I got to meet Prince! Okay, so it wasn’t THE Prince, as in “The Artist Formerly Know As Prince,” but he is a music recording artist who goes by the name of Prince. His real name is Matthew Griffith and he is a member of GS Boyz, who currently have a popular hip-hop song out called Stank Legg, which also has a specific club dance that goes with it. It is always cool to meet someone who is doing well for themselves within their chosen industry, but here is where the eye-opening part comes in…

I have a list of things I will do in my lifetime and a vision/dream board depicting some of those things. On that list, I have “Meet Prince and get to talk with him.” What I wasn’t specific about is which Prince! So, here I am at an event the other night with my husband, Tommy and my daughter, Felecia, and we are introduced to Prince from the GS Boyz. We talk with him for a few minutes and after he walks away, almost simultaneously Tommy and Felecia look at me and say, “You got to meet Prince!” at the same time I said “That doesn’t count for meeting Prince!” To prove she has been listening to what I tell her, Felecia reminds me that I need to be specific about my goals and she suggested I review my list and get a little more specific. She was right! I wasn’t specific enough. Now I have some work to do on my list to ensure I get exactly what I want and not a substitute.

Do you have a goal list? Do you have a vision board? Are your goals specific – I mean really specific? I can tell you that writing it down (and believing it can and will happen) will dramatically increase the likelihood of making it happen. No matter how outlandish your goals may seem, write them all down and be specific! Oh, if you happen to know Prince Rogers Nelson, born June 7, 1958, please introduce me!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves ‘who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ” ~ Marianne Williamson

“If you want something bad enough, you will find a way to get it.”  Have you heard that before?  I know I have been told that a bunch of times in my lifetime.  I have another one for you… “When the time is right, the opportunity will present itself.”  Have you heard that one?  Me too.

So, which is it – do you have to find a way to go out and get it, or will it come and get you?  I ask this question because I have been going through an amazing year of discovering myself and figuring out what direction I need to take in my professional life and I have seen both of these scenarios play out in my own life.  I happen to believe that both of these sayings, beliefs, thoughts (whatever you call them) can be true at almost the same time.

I have had a few great opportunities kind-of land in my lap this past year, but once I seized the opportunity, the hard work then began to make things actually come to fruition.  As I look at my most recent decision to begin my own radio show with Diva Toolbox Radio, that opportunity literally came unexpectedly to me through Twitter.  Funny thing is that I had been thinking about starting a radio show, but had not found the right platform yet.  Then here came Janet from Diva Toolbox with an invitation through Twitter to host a show on her new radio network.  I immediately (like within hours) jumped right in.

Mind you, I have never done a radio show before and here I was jumping up and down with excitement because I just signed-up to be the host of my own live talk radio show!   Then the hard work started.  Within two weeks (and a vacation right in the middle of it), I planned my show, invited guests and learned how to use the live radio show technology.  Here I sit today with one live show successfully completed and guests booked out for the next 10 weeks with many of the shows featuring two high-profile guests each week!

Most of the hard work was in getting the nerve to ask highly successful people to be a guest on my show – a show that had not even launched yet!  A lot of self-doubt went through my mind as I began to send out my show invitations, but in the end, I felt a calm and self-assurance within knowing that this show will be a success and will benefit the guests.  I know that I know my radio show will be successful and will make a positive impact on many lives.  I know that I know I have a bigger purpose on this planet and I cannot make a big impact if I am sitting in my own small world.  I have to put myself out there if I want to make a difference.

All of the hard work I have been putting in this last year is now paying off and the opportunities are presenting themselves.  So, to be clear – I believe that if we want something we will find a way to get it and because of that drive and determination opportunities will  present themselves and that is when you have to work hard to take the opportunity from just that, and opportunity and make it a reality.

I hope you continue to work hard and be open to your next opportunity.  It might come disguised as a Tweet, so keep an eye out!

Have you ever found yourself in a situation in which you were not getting what you need or want out of the relationship?  Maybe this has happened in a personal relationship, with your best friend, or even a co-worker or boss.  No matter the other parties involved, the feelings you experience are usually the same.  You begin to feel like the other person does not care about you or that you do not matter.  You then begin to feel sorry for yourself until that feeling of sadness begins to fester and become bitterness.  Then you blow-up.  It is never pretty when festering bitterness explodes.  Oftentimes the other party is dumbfounded and confused and according to human nature, they defend themselves.  Now it becomes a back and forth argument switching roles between victim and attacker.

We women tend to have the hardest time asking for what we want.  We expect others should already know what we want or need and if we have told the other party what we want at least once in their lifetime, they should forevermore commit it to memory, always do it, and never forget.  Life is not that simple.  People are not that perfect.  Our fragile egos need to understand that and be proactive.

There is a fine line between asking and nagging.  There is also a fine line between being responsive and regressive.  We need to ask for what we want and if we do not receive it within a timely manner, we need to ask again and explain why it is important the need be met.  There is responsibility on the part of the other party to confirm they can or will meet the need and if they confirm, then they own it and should do it.   However, this all comes down to you asking for what you want from the very beginning.  Do not expect to ask once and magically all your needs will be met.  You need to take an active role in fulfilling your own needs as well.

Write down a list of your needs, wants and desires and develop a plan and set aside time to share that list with the appropriate people in your life that can fulfill those needs.  You should also ask the other significant people in your life what they need or want from you.  While you are festering bitterness, beware that the other party may also be doing the same.  Suck it up and commit to communicate your needs going forward.

“Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.” ~John Ruskin

“The harder they hit, the more encouraged I get.” - Hillary Rodham Clinton

You know when you get a song stuck in your head and you find yourself singing or humming it or just replaying it in your head over and over… and over?!  It happens to me all the time.  You know what else happens to me?  I get thoughts stuck in my head and I replay them over and over as well.  Something I noticed about those thoughts is that sometimes they were about things that frustrate or bother me and I found myself feeling agitated.  I have become much better at staying in tune with my thoughts and recognizing when a negative or frustrating tape is looping in my brain and hitting the stop button!  I then make a conscious effort to divert my focus towards a positive thought or even a song that I enjoy.  I’d much rather have a song stuck in my head than a thought loop telling me my butt is too big!

So, next time you find yourself stuck in a negative thought loop, stop the thought and find a way to focus on something more productive and uplifting.  This really isn’t a hard habit to learn.  The hardest part is getting inside yourself long enough to recognize what you are thinking.  Once you can recognize your thought patterns – changing them is easy.

If you find yourself in a positive thought pattern – GO WITH IT!!  =)

No More Perfect!

Why is it that some of us try so darn hard to be perfect?  We want to be (or appear to be) the perfect wife, mother, housekeeper, employee, friend…  We also want to have the perfect spouse, children, car, house, clothes, accessories, career, body, hair, skin…  It’s exhausting just thinking about being perfect in all of those areas!

The truth is – and you know this – nobody is perfect!  Stop trying to be perfect and just try to do your best.  While you are trying to be (or appear to be)  perfect, life is passing you by.  When your focus is so narrowed in on doing each thing perfectly, you are missing out on much in life.

You know what else?  People don’t like perfect people!  If you are so busy trying to be perfect, and everyone knows that nobody is perfect, then you appear to be disingenuous.  People are naturally drawn to other people who are sincere, honest, candid and genuine – with their flaws and all.

So, stop the madness!  Relax and realize that your need for perfectionism is just a need for control.  Find out what it is in your life that is driving you to perfectionism and fix it.  It’s time to enjoy every drop out of life.  You deserve it and those around you deserve to be with the real and not-so-perfect you!

Much happiness to you!