Let me tell you about my past month or so… I try to keep everyone in the loop because my experiences may help others in some way, even if just to make you feel better about your chaotic world. During everything that was going on, I couldn’t wrap my head around posting publicly. I’m grateful for my friends, family, and loved ones who were there for me along the way. In many ways, February was a good month, and in many ways, it was extremely challenging.
Towards the beginning of the month, I had a doctors appointment that turned out to require several rounds of additional tests and biopsies. After weeks of discomfort and fear, all is okay, and I’ll follow up in a year unless complications arise.
During that time I had the honor of co-hosting a Klemmer Personal Mastery seminar in Southlake, TX. I had a house full of women who got to stay with me for the weekend. I especially enjoyed our late night talks in the kitchen and the hustle and bustle of five women sharing hair tools and trying each other’s protein shakes. That Personal Mastery seminar changed lives. I hear stories daily about progress towards goals, and how their new ways of thinking and choosing to be arei making a huge positive impact! That makes it all so much more rewarding for me!!
Right after the Personal Mastery weekend, I had my first deposition for the carbon monoxide poisoning lawsuit. I was nearly paralyzed with fear and anxiety leading up to it. I didn’t want to relive that night or describe in detail how much my life has changed since then. I have over 2,000 pages of medical records stemming from this one horrific event, and they wanted details on most of it. It was gut-wrenching. It was exhausting. It felt so unfair that I had to endure a line of questioning from something I didn’t cause, and that they could have prevented! Justice is going to be a long process. As if there could be justice in this situation.
I was able to find time to make homemade valentines for Ava‘s class. One evening Felecia, Ava, and I also made cupcakes for her class.
I also had some financial obligations I chose to help my parents with and a couple of my own that popped up, including meeting my high medical deductions right at the beginning of the year. Juggling finances are something I was always good at, but since the poisoning, some things take longer for me to figure out, which frustrates the heck out of me!
And then my mom ended up back in the ER in California. Years ago my mom had a thyroidectomy during which one of her vocal cords were damaged. After years of laser treatments to remove scar tissue that kept regrowing with a vengeance, it became time for her to get a tracheotomy. I wasn’t able to be there because of my pending medical tests, and I also had a scheduled elective surgery at the end of the month that I had been putting off for way too long. My mom ended up with additional complications following her surgery, which landed her in the ICU. During this time my dad was learning to take care of himself without my mom. Remember, he has the LVAD heart pump, so he has to take a considerable amount of medications and do daily health tests to make sure he is fine. Thankfully, our dear family friend Liz has been there for him and my mom. Even the neighbors helped check in on my dad and gave him his injections when Liz took her dad on his 80th birthday trip.
I went through so much guilt during all of this wondering if I was being selfish for waiting out my test results at home in Texas, and for not rescheduling my elective surgery, and for not canceling a trip to San Antonio that had been planned for a couple of months. I always drop everything for the family. Why was it okay to not drop everything this time? I prayed and prayed about it. During one especially difficult evening when a lot hit me at once I “got caught” having a real serious loud verbal conversation with God. I needed a break, and I needed it right then. It went something like this (condensed)… “God, I’m drawing a line in the sand right here. I need a break. As in, right now! I know that you want what is best for me. I’m trying to live my life according to your word, and I’m trying to be a beacon for good in this world. Right now I need you to relieve these additional stresses, burdens, and fears. I am asking for clear test results, returned good health and mental wellness, healing for my mom, and that my dad will be fine during this time. In Jesus’ name!” I finally came to terms with making my own needs a priority at the time. It wasn’t an easy decision. I continued to pray, study scriptures, consult with trusted friends and mentors, checked in on my mom, and talked with my dad every night.
My surgery went well, and I’m healing fine. My mom was transferred to a transitional care facility where she is learning to take care of herself. I was able to enjoy a fantastic long weekend away with a great man who has been so supportive through it all. Now I’m heading to my hometown to visit my mom and help my dad with personal affairs, and hopefully, we can get my mom back home soon. There will be some learning for both of them as they settle into a new routine. Change is so hard as we get older. These two are quite a pair too! Good thing they are both determined (or stubborn), so I know they’ll figure this all out quickly.
Oh, and to top things off, yesterday morning at 4am I woke up having an allergic reaction to something that caused me to break out in huge itchy hives/welts in random places all over my body! Not having time for anything more, I quickly got in for a steroid shot and some medications to block the histamines. I was still able to make dinner for the family and we hung out with Felecia, Tyler, and the grandbabies for the evening. I need to follow up with an allergist when I get home.
Hives aside, March is already much better! I find great comfort in knowing that everything always works out as it should. I thank God every day that I’m alive, and I have the opportunity to face challenges and embrace all that makes me happy!
Some events were left out because, well, let’s just say it was left out to protect others. People will be people. I choose to believe that the most challenging people in this world don’t wake up and prepare a list of how they can mess with other people’s lives. If that is their agenda, then have at it without me. I choose to not participate in petty games. My time is better spent doing what I enjoy with those that I love and who love me in return.