You know those days when it’s just a little harder to get out of bed? Like mine this morning. I got up on time thinking I would answer a couple of emails before jumping in the shower and then before I knew it, I ended back up in bed “for just a few minutes” to then wake up two hours later and way behind on my day! And you know, once you start your day that way, it takes a lot more effort to put on a happy face and kick the positive attitude into gear.

So, I start out my day behind and I’m a little stressed about it. The really bad hair day that resulted from a failed attempt to give it that “messy, but cute” look didn’t help matters either. Honestly, at some point, we reach an age where grunge just doesn’t quite work anymore and I think I reached that age TODAY.

Tuesday is Radio Show Day. That means I get to talk with the most amazing and successful people I can find, today being no exception, in fact my guest today, Sheryl Roush, is exception-AL! As I frantically worked through my list of emails, calls, tweets, status updates, and reminding myself to breathe, I was working up the enthusiasm for the show. I knew I would sound like a dud compared to Sheryl if I was even a little bit off and I knew I needed a happy-tude adjustment. It didn’t come in time for the show…

I was a little frazzled going into the call and not my usual “prepared and waiting” self. I didn’t have my thought of the week prepared and I was frustrated. Yep, me, frustrated! Then the countdown to going live and I was on. I just winged it. My thought for the week just came out of my mouth, “Patience young grasshopper.” My brilliant thought for the week that is supposed to invoke inspiration and enthusiasm was from an old movie – and I later found out it came from an even older movie than I remembered. Anyway… Patience. Patience was the thought. Why patience you ask? Well, I later realized that my subconscious was not so subtly telling me to have patience with myself and those around me. I’m sure it was probably more about me, but I’ll throw loved ones in there too. Patience. Patience with myself and the acknowledgment that I am not Super Woman – although I’m still thinking about that for my Halloween costume this year.

Funny thing happened on my way to starting the show… I had found a little more energy once I realized I needed to get off my own back and PP (Practice Patience). Then the magic happened. Sheryl Roush began to share her message and I found myself kicked back taking it all in as if she was speaking just to me and I was gaining more energy and a little more happy in my tude the more she talked. Thankfully, on a day when I was off, my guest happened to be completely ON!

Did the fact that I was still behind and my hair was even worse after wearing a headset for the show go away? Nope. It was still there, but I was on a much better course than before – by far! I topped off my day with a conversation with a future radio show guest that blew me away with his story, passion and purpose. How cool is my ‘job?’ I get to talk to people who make great things happen and make a difference in the world – now that makes bad hair day pissiness go away every time.

Patience young grasshopper!

You or someone you care about may be out of sorts right now.  During this time of year, people should be happy and festive, and yet this time of year can be difficult for so many reasons.  It is important for us all to recognize that the holidays can stir emotions in people that otherwise would lie dormant the other 11 or so months of the year.

If you or a loved one seems to be unusually sad or quick to anger right now, consider what pressures or emotions might be at the forefront of their thoughts.  Some of the top reasons people become depressed during the holidays are:

• Finances are tight and therefore could limit gift-giving making people embarrassed
• Missing a loved one that has passed away or no longer in his or her life
• Feeling like a failure for not achieving or attaining his or her goals this past year
• Self-esteem issues around feeling overweight or unattractive as social gatherings approach
• Fear of not being remembered with cards, gifts or invitations to events
• Overwhelmed with the amount of stuff to do, places to go and people to please

If you are feeling sad and blue right now, know that everything will be okay.  You are not alone as this is a difficult time for many.  It is also okay to take time to get in touch with what is bringing you down.  You might find it helpful to write out your feelings.  After you get it all out, I would then encourage writing down all the positive and happy things you have to be grateful in your life.  Take the time to reflect on all that is good and right in your world and allow the warm and happy thoughts to grow and overshadow the sadness you were feeling.  Each time you begin to feel sad, frustrated or fall into the negative self-talk, STOP and focus your attention on the ‘good’ list.

If you are seeing signs of sadness or depression in others, be a little more patient right now.  Your compassion may be what he or she needs more than anything you can say or do.  The biggest gift you may be able to give that person right now is the gift of love and understanding.

Every one of us has highs and lows in life.  It stinks to experience a low during the time of year when everyone is expected to be brimming with joy, but you can turn this around and make this a happy holiday season.  Check out my recent blog post, Plan for a Joyous Holiday Season for tips to help you have a more peaceful holiday season filled with joyous memories.  Be patient with yourself, give yourself positive self-talk, be grateful for what you have and be aware of the gift of kindness from others.

Happiest holidays to you!

When the going gets tough, what do you do?

We have all heard the saying, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going,” right? It is one of those sayings people spit out with gusto and sometimes accompanied by a little fist pounding for a little added gusto.  Truth is though; most people either run or give up when the going gets tough.

Question for you – When the going gets tough, what do you do?

a)      Gear up and get tough

b)      Run like the wind

c)       Curl up in the fetal position and suck your thumb

It is important to identify your natural inclination when it comes to facing the tough times.  If you are a runner or one that gives up, now is the time to change and here is why… If you run, there is a distinct possibility ‘it’ will follow you AND as it follows, it may get bigger and pick up speed.  Think of it as a great big snowball.  As you are running away, it rolls along behind you picking up more snow as it goes.  The additional snow makes it bigger and heavier until it is looming over you casting a shadow on the path in front of you.  You cannot keep running forever and eventually you will have to stop.  The snowball will not stop though and you will become a body impression in the frozen tundra as the giant snowball smacks you in the rear and runs you over.  Do you want to be a frozen snowball casualty?  I hope not!

How about those who give up?  Imagine, there you are – facing a crisis and like a little kid in Wal-Mart not getting their way, you plop yourself down on the floor and begin to wail uncontrollably.  You create your own personal little Pity Party located in the land of Denial.  Denial is a terrible dark place where many people have been known to get lost for years.  While in the land of Denial, you are free to bang your head against the wall with reckless abandon or sit in the corner and pretend everything is all right.  However, on the outskirts of Denial is the city of Reality.  It can also be a harsh place, but the truth is that if you face the harsh elements for just a short time, the sun always comes out and things will get better.

Now, let’s talk about how to fight with the intent to win.  The first thing I think we all need to realize and remember is that there will be crisis in your life.  Nobody is immune to times of trouble.  Even that perfect family down the street or that co-worker who appears to have a magic wand that makes everything okay has troubles.  It is in how we deal with troubles that sets us apart.  Let’s be fighters.

First step to fighting crisis is to acknowledge it.  Look at crisis as a big fat ugly bully.  We all know that the best way to deal with a bully is to stand up to him or her.  I suggest you find a private remote location, double up your fists as if you are about to punch someone in the jaw and scream this at the top of your lungs, “I am mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”  You have just set the boundary.  In that one sentence you acknowledged the situation, you acknowledged the anger associated with it, you stated that you have had enough and that things are going to change.  The next step is to make the change – and this is where the work/fight comes in.

In order for you to make a change, you first need to identify the problem.  Before moving on, take some time to identify one particular area in your life that you are either running from or in denial about.  This may be easy for some as you have reached the ‘mad as hell’ stage and you are ready to make that change.  For some, this may take a little more time thinking it through and digging deep.  Go ahead, take some time and do that now….

Once you have identified that particular area you are ready to face, write it down.  Write down in detail what ‘it’ is.  Be specific and be sure to write down how it makes you feel and how it has affected your life.  This is the “dump” step.   This is your opportunity to get it all out quickly and completely.  I suggest writing it out without regard to grammar or spelling or you can even say it into a recorder.  Whatever method suits you – get it out and put emotion behind it!  Often times, just in identifying the problem and acknowledging it will remove a big weight off you.  Think of that snowball casting a shadow over you.  Once you turn and face that snowball, it will begin to melt.  The built up layers begin to shed away and that once huge and ominous problem begins to seem smaller and more manageable.

It is now time to make a plan on how to deal with the situation.  A good strategy here is to make a list of action steps that you can follow, one by one, to address to situation.  By having clearly defined action steps, you make the process more manageable by dealing with bite-size pieces versus trying to eat the whole pie at once.  An action plan is worthless if you do not put action to it – so get busy and start working the plan.  As you are working through the steps, remember, plans can change so be flexible.  You may have to step back, reevaluate the situation and approach things a little differently from time to time.

As you continue to work through dealing with tough situations, make sure you ask for help or call upon a professional if needed.  There may be times when a problem is too big for you to deal with alone.  It takes a strong person to ask for help and I KNOW you are strong enough to know when to reach out!

My last bit of advice here – Face your problems head on from now on.  You are strong, you are capable and there is nothing you cannot do!

Have you ever found yourself in a situation in which you were not getting what you need or want out of the relationship?  Maybe this has happened in a personal relationship, with your best friend, or even a co-worker or boss.  No matter the other parties involved, the feelings you experience are usually the same.  You begin to feel like the other person does not care about you or that you do not matter.  You then begin to feel sorry for yourself until that feeling of sadness begins to fester and become bitterness.  Then you blow-up.  It is never pretty when festering bitterness explodes.  Oftentimes the other party is dumbfounded and confused and according to human nature, they defend themselves.  Now it becomes a back and forth argument switching roles between victim and attacker.

We women tend to have the hardest time asking for what we want.  We expect others should already know what we want or need and if we have told the other party what we want at least once in their lifetime, they should forevermore commit it to memory, always do it, and never forget.  Life is not that simple.  People are not that perfect.  Our fragile egos need to understand that and be proactive.

There is a fine line between asking and nagging.  There is also a fine line between being responsive and regressive.  We need to ask for what we want and if we do not receive it within a timely manner, we need to ask again and explain why it is important the need be met.  There is responsibility on the part of the other party to confirm they can or will meet the need and if they confirm, then they own it and should do it.   However, this all comes down to you asking for what you want from the very beginning.  Do not expect to ask once and magically all your needs will be met.  You need to take an active role in fulfilling your own needs as well.

Write down a list of your needs, wants and desires and develop a plan and set aside time to share that list with the appropriate people in your life that can fulfill those needs.  You should also ask the other significant people in your life what they need or want from you.  While you are festering bitterness, beware that the other party may also be doing the same.  Suck it up and commit to communicate your needs going forward.

“Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.” ~John Ruskin

“The harder they hit, the more encouraged I get.” - Hillary Rodham Clinton

You know when you get a song stuck in your head and you find yourself singing or humming it or just replaying it in your head over and over… and over?!  It happens to me all the time.  You know what else happens to me?  I get thoughts stuck in my head and I replay them over and over as well.  Something I noticed about those thoughts is that sometimes they were about things that frustrate or bother me and I found myself feeling agitated.  I have become much better at staying in tune with my thoughts and recognizing when a negative or frustrating tape is looping in my brain and hitting the stop button!  I then make a conscious effort to divert my focus towards a positive thought or even a song that I enjoy.  I’d much rather have a song stuck in my head than a thought loop telling me my butt is too big!

So, next time you find yourself stuck in a negative thought loop, stop the thought and find a way to focus on something more productive and uplifting.  This really isn’t a hard habit to learn.  The hardest part is getting inside yourself long enough to recognize what you are thinking.  Once you can recognize your thought patterns – changing them is easy.

If you find yourself in a positive thought pattern – GO WITH IT!!  =)

No More Perfect!

Why is it that some of us try so darn hard to be perfect?  We want to be (or appear to be) the perfect wife, mother, housekeeper, employee, friend…  We also want to have the perfect spouse, children, car, house, clothes, accessories, career, body, hair, skin…  It’s exhausting just thinking about being perfect in all of those areas!

The truth is – and you know this – nobody is perfect!  Stop trying to be perfect and just try to do your best.  While you are trying to be (or appear to be)  perfect, life is passing you by.  When your focus is so narrowed in on doing each thing perfectly, you are missing out on much in life.

You know what else?  People don’t like perfect people!  If you are so busy trying to be perfect, and everyone knows that nobody is perfect, then you appear to be disingenuous.  People are naturally drawn to other people who are sincere, honest, candid and genuine – with their flaws and all.

So, stop the madness!  Relax and realize that your need for perfectionism is just a need for control.  Find out what it is in your life that is driving you to perfectionism and fix it.  It’s time to enjoy every drop out of life.  You deserve it and those around you deserve to be with the real and not-so-perfect you!

Much happiness to you!

Remember when you didn’t want to do something when you were a little kid and you would say in a pathetic whinny way, “I don’t want to!” causing your parents to go into all the reasons why you need to do it or why you have to do it?  You may even have kids of your own who use that same line themselves.  I want you to think back to those “I don’t want to” moments… most of them ended with you doing what you did not want to do AND it did not kill you to do it.  Eventually you just learned that no matter how much you resisted, it would end in you doing whatever it was you did not want to do.  Why do we learn to accept that we must brush our teeth, go to bed, take a bath, etc?  Because we learn that those things are just part of life AND they are actually good for us.  We learn that clean teeth help us make friends better than snarly teeth and the trips to the dentist go a whole lot smoother when we have taken care of our teeth.  You can apply the teeth thing to the bathing, going to bed and so on.  Therefore, we accept that certain things are just part of life and we do them.

Then we grow up.  We are on our own to decide if and when we are going to do something – or not.  How many times as an adult are we faced with a situation in which we are saying to ourselves “I don’t want to” and then begin an internal dialogue struggling with why we should do it and why we do not want to do it and so on.  It happens a lot, right?  I know it does for me.  Just the other day I knew I should do something that would only take a couple of minutes to complete and literally, I heard myself in my head say, “I don’t want to.”  I realized that the inner child in me was resisting a simple task for no other reason than just not wanting to put the effort into it.  The internal conversation only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to make me think about all of the other times I have gone through this in my lifetime.

If I remember correctly, when it came to my “I don’t want to” moments as a child, I think the response from my parents was, “you have to.”  As adults, usually we do not HAVE to do anything, instead we choose to.  Think about those things in your life you do not like to do or do not want to do, but you choose to do anyway.  Now think about the things you choose not to do even though you know you should.  Being in the fitness industry, about working out, I hear people say, “I know I should, but __(fill in the blank)__.”  When it comes to eating healthfully, there are lists of reasons why people do not do it.  What it comes down to is that no matter how good it is for them, people just do not want to.  They let that little inner-child win, and they don’t do it.  Just like when we were kids, there are consequences for everything.  Choosing not to exercise and eat healthfully results in poor health, lack of energy, reduced self-esteem, depression, higher medical expenses, missed opportunities in life and so much more.

What are your “I don’t want to” issues?  What should you be doing that you aren’t?  What would happen if you did them?  What will happen if you continue not to do them?

I think I should share my recent “I don’t want to” moment that led me to writing this… It was very simple and may seem insignificant, but bear with me.  I was getting out of my car and had a bunch of things to carry into the house.  In the center console of my car was a coffee cup and a plastic drinking tumbler I had used that morning for my Chocolate Shakeology breakfast drink.  I could not get the cup and tumbler on the first trip and when I got into the house, I did not want to go back outside to get them.  I struggled with this for a few seconds and then I realized that if I did not bring them in, then the tumbler would be stinky and gross by the next day and I would not have room for the next day’s cup and tumbler.  I really did not want to go out there and get them, but I did.  I did it because I knew that if I didn’t then the resulting chain of events would be worse than if I just did it then and got it over with.  I asked you to bear with me, so hold on… Think about all of the little things like this cup and tumbler story that you don’t want to do – and don’t do – that build up and when it comes down to it, you still have to do it and the effort required to do it is much greater than it would have been before.  It’s time to start listening to your inner voice or increasing the volume and begin to have healthy inner conversations as to why you don’t want to do something, what will happen if you don’t and what will happen if you do.

There are SO many things in life I don’t want to do and many things I choose not to do.  For the most part though, I do what needs to be done and because of it, things in my life run just a little smoother.  When I resist and don’t do it, I pay the consequences and beat myself up because I knew better and should have just done it in the first place.

I hope you turn up the volume on your inner dialogue and do not let the “I don’t want to” moments win over the right things to do.  Let us bypass the “I don’t want to” and accept that “I have to” and get on with it.

I would love to hear some of your “I don’t want to” battles and how you have prevailed!