Ask a person what they most want in life and most people will say, “To be happy.” Ask a person what it will take them to reach happiness and you will probably be met with a blank stare or a quick reply of a list of things or possessions. It is common to think a brand new sports car, a house in the right neighborhood, or a Swiss made designer watch will be the thing that finally brings us happiness and yet as many people who have achieved those things know, you do not attain long-term happiness with what you have. The fact is that most people experience an increased level of stress as their material possessions or assets increase, thereby decreasing their overall level of true and lasting happiness. In order to realize a lasting state of happiness and contentment we need to dig deeper into our own personal core value system to discover what matters to us on a fundamental level and then work from there.
Discovering your core values – sounds easy, right? Let’s try something right now. Take out a piece of paper and write down your top ten core values. Remember that core values are those things that you feel are important to you, but are not material in nature. An example of a value is Family. The value is Family and to live according to that value you would spend more time with your kids. Take about five minutes to come up with your top ten – Go!
How did you do? For some this might have been a little bit of a stretch. It is common for us to focus on the things we want to have and confuse those with what we value most. The point is that many people do not really know what they truly value in life and there is a tremendous amount of confusion going on in the world about the difference between values and valuables. Values are internal and valuables are external. Happiness comes from inside (internal).
Once you have a solid list of your values, it is important to decide how you need to live in order to honor and respect your values. Using another example, if Health is one of your top values then you need to make nourishing food choices and incorporate exercise into your daily life to live in accordance with that value. We make hundreds of decisions a day and each time we decide to live in alignment with our values we also increase our potential for a higher level of happiness. Think of it sort-of like the scales of justice – you know the kind of scale with two sides. Think of one side as your happiness plane and the other side as your values plane. The more you add to your values side the higher your happiness side will rise. As you go through your daily life, consider how your decisions affect your happiness scale. Add to your values side and watch your happiness side increase. Act in contradiction with your values and your happiness will diminish. It is a simple concept, but the work is in determining your values and choosing to live every day with your values as your top priority.
You will see that as you continue to live with your values as top-of-mind you will feel more fulfilled and less focused on superficial trappings. Be proud of yourself for doing the work and being true yourself and watch your happiness soar!